Recently I have discovered lots about myself…. most of it I probably knew but wasnt really aware of. Some of the things I have discovered are:
– Im very analytical and catagorise everything…. order is the word of the day!
– There are lots of things in my childhood that have shaped me that I have not really been aware of, or there impact
– I bury my head in the sand in most personal things and dont deal with them, and concentrate all my efforts on work… which causes me to have the work life balance completely ballsed up!
So leading from this I decided I should attempt to try my hand at the dating game…. now as we have seen previously I followed the dating rules and they dont really work.. in fact they are a complete waste of time… ive figured the answer to finding the right person is to look at the exercise in terms of fishing…. you have to be patient and sit there for a while to catch a corker…. and the first few you catch might not be very good and you through them back… and inevitably if you have the right bait and have come prepared and with the right attitude it will pay off and you will reap the rewards!
Based on this the analytical approach took over and operation “fishing” was created… with some very simple guidelines:
– Meet People, no matter what… pre-qualify them and get out there and meet them!
– Make the effort… do lunch… make time for people
– Dont go with the aim of shagging them, no agenda is the best agenda!
So where are we so far with operation fishing….
Its definately led me to make some really good freinds, and this may lead me to staying in the south longer. Although it may have also got me into a fair bit of trouble as I ended up meeting someone really nice but attached…. therefore the morals should have kicked in and told me just to be friends, unfortunately I have come to realise my morals are not as strong as I once thought and if a really nice guy comes along they get bent to fit the situation!!
There have been people I have met that I wish I hadnt… one guy I met, I seriously thought about going for the door after I met him in a pub… but I thought that would be rude and not very nice, and certainly something I would hate if someone did it to me… so I endured!
Another guy actually smelt… real bad as well… but again polite and freindly! And the worse was a guy who was clearly on something, and after he attempted to get into my pants I jut had to appologise and tell him he wasnt the guy I was looking for (yes I felt a bit of a bastard doing it, but im too sensible to just jump into bed with people, especially people who may pose a higher risk to my mortality!).
The good bits about operation fishing are the great people I have met… now I admit I am damn shite when it comes to meeting people on time… I only manage it at work because my Blackberry keeps me in check! And my idea of time management is something to be desired!
I met one guy who is almost in the exact point of his life as I am… going through some similar trauma’s and questioning some of the ideologies that we have created in our minds of what the ideal is… Then there is another friend that I find so easy to talk to, who has almost become my best friend overnight, probably without them even realising it.
One of the things I will say I find difficult with all this dating game is myself…. I find it difficult to be myself. I have spent so many years creating this persona of how I want myself to be portrayed that I have forgotten where my *real* self is. At work im amazingly confident and am not phased going to board meetings talking about projects and managing people. This leaks into my personal life and I sometimes come accross as arogant and self centred, and bossy! Which is far from true… but there is only a few people who have broken through my egg shell of hard nosed bastard to find the real me underneath… and its not easy… I even find myself coming accross as a twat and thinking “why did I just say that” but because sometimes im so up my own rectum I havent got the bottle to say im wrong… its rare I admit im wrong as I see it as a sign of weakness… but sometimes its stronger to admit your wrong and say your sorry and in the long run my win you more friends and salvage relationships… think I learnt that one the hard way!