After a night out watching the closing ceremony of the big football match (or the Olympic games as the rest of the world calls it), I headed home with my friends. Was ace being with them as I hadnt seen them in over a year, in fact we usually only see each other once a year in October when I head up for my friends birthday… but this was extra special as they had made the effort and come down to London to see me.
The evening out was great, wonderful atmosphere at Newham park, great crowd and watching the ceeremony was ace. We timed it perfectly for getting out as well… as soon as Rio came on we headed out to Stratford, arrived at the station to hear “the who” on stage, followed by an amazing fireworks display… albeit I thought it would be better, and I recall the opening ones being better! We got home at about 2am following a bit of a wait for the bus after a change on the tube as well.
After a lovely cup of tea and cake I headed to bed (yes cake before bed is not healthy but hey neither are most things!).
That night I had a very weird dream… now I admit there are many things on my mind at present, from house, job, family and my general bitching about not being able to find a nice boyfreind after almost a 8 year search. But hey!
In this dream I can only recall parts of it… but I remember driving down the street which is at top of mum and dads street, watching this car behind me which was being a knob head (I do actually do this!). Then saw a white ford focus in front of me just before I hit it head on at low speed…. only to then realise its a police car – now earlier in the week I had come out of the office after a really shitty day and jumped in the car speeding off…. after doing about 60 around the roundabout a white vetra squeezed in front of me and put his blue lights on…. I pulled over and immediately appologised only to be told by the office he was after the car in front which had no tax! – as such I can kinda see where this part of the dream came from!).
For some strange reason the officer in the car (in south yorkshire in an undercover police car – yeah I know extremely unlikely!) was mr policeboy knob head cunt – actually i should moderate my language, its not that I hate the guy just get frustrated by him!
Now from here the dream gets very vague – I recall going sheepish as usual and appologising to the other policeman for smashing into their car… in the next scene there is something to do with a plane and me heading to America (which is again not unlikely considering my current potential change in job)… and being re-assured by guy with girlfriend (see presious posts) that everything would be OK – as you can see I am not that amazing at recovering all the parts of my dream sequences. In fact I am suprised I manage to remember any of them!
My general worry though is why the hell are policeboy (we will call him “G”) and guy with girlfriend (“D”) appearing in my dreams??? I know I still have lots of emotions and feelings wrapped up in D, but as for G other than having a general worry for him and just wanting to cuddle him better (- I do go all sheepish on him for some weird reason probably becuase his mind work very much like mine, in fact scarily so!).
With G I cant fathom why or how he got into my dream…. does this mean I have insecurities for myself and want to cuddle myself better? Or just me seeing the kinda of stuff I go through and put myself through and not wanting him to do the same? I dunno… I suspect D would be able to give me some analysis but I am past that! As for D well thats pretty obvious, I am not strong enough to make my own decisions when they are big ones, so what I do is make the decision preliminary then look for assurance from others that I have made the right choice and D is one of the few I trust that I would value and want his opinion… in fact probably same applies to G in that regards…. shit does this mean I “respect and trust” their opinions….? Shit I hope not, otherwise I have much bigger issues about trusting the wrong people – mind you I already know that with both these that they are not to be trusted – although intellectually and mentally they are sound people. (Well mentally is probably extending it a bit far!).
One of these days I will write an analysis of G and D in detail – giving my views mentally on how I think they work and process information – this may be useful in trying to underpin why they are that much on my mind that they have entered the world of my subconciouse, it does worry me that there are two people who are not part of my family or super close friends and to some degree that I dont know them that well but yet on some level I worry and care for them and actively seek their opinion and approval – yet I am sure most would agree they have not justified any attention or special treatment. On a more consiouse level the people I care for are generally my family and close friends – the likes of the two who visited this weekend, and my friend who has just gone to Afganistan, or my friend currently working extremely hard trying to finish his degree. On a day to day basis these are the people I actively stay in touch with and would do anything for, but on a subcontious level is there something I am missing about the other two, or is it just my brain rebelling about the fact that I have made an active choice not to have them as friends? Probably a nice holiday and a deep long hard analysis is required!