We have all heard the term “doing things by the book”…. well all I can say is whoever wrote the book is a numpty – and yep it may have worked for them, but leaves a bitter taste in my mouth!<\/p>\n
Bored one night after work early in March I decided that I would go see what was happening on Gaydar chat… usually a great source of entertainment with queens throwing handbags at each other (who said theres no such thing as stereotyping!).
\nA guy popped onto private chat and said hello…. I looked at his profile to see if he was a bot or not… and on first small photo on the page he looks a nice guy. So decided to chat back…. after a bit of a chat on Gaydar we switched to MSN (usually a step in the right direction – if you have ever used the buggy java chat you will understand why!).<\/p>\n
After about an hour chatting online we had a quick phone call…. turns out this guy is not only semi attractive (albeit over the 30 hill – luckily I dont subscribe to the shallow minded view that age is overly important!) but he is also in a similar line of work to me (well in IT)… not only that he works for a company I have knowledge of and deal with through work. <\/p>\n
We continued chatting via text to each other and organised to meet the week after and grab some food. <\/p>\n
That weekend I was in St. Albans early Saturday morning doing some work… and decided that I should try and follow “the book” with this guy as he was nice, and I wanted to try as hard as possible to make things work if thats what they were meant to be – not that im going to rush into relationship… just I have always blamed myself for not putting the effort in when things havent worked out the way I liked….<\/p>\n
So the book is as follows…. I read plenty of web sites and articles on dating and the general rules on dating (both gay and straight relationships) appear to be the following:
\n1 – Dress to impress
\n2 – Talk about them – people love to talk about themselves… take interest!
\n3 – Take time to communicate and make time
\n4 – Do things you both enjoy doing
\n5 – Dont shag on first date! Use the 3 date rule before taking them home!<\/p>\n
So I decided to follow the above rules…. and started as meant to go on… near where I was working I noticed a Top Man… now im one of these people that is not a follower of fashion… in fact never really been a follower of anything. My mum used to comment that I shouldnt buy my clothes from Tesco and Millets….but hey ho! So off I popped into Top Man, downstairs to a department store filled with tones of clothes I have little knowledge of. After about 20 minutes of trying to find something that may work… I gave in, walked up to the pretty attractive guy behind the counter… explained I was going on a date and wanted to look good! An hour later…. lots of clothes and lots of staff dressing and commenting… I had a set of clothes that worked! <\/p>\n
Tuesday 10th March 2009, I went off on a date with Mr P… to Hertford. After getting lost trying to find his place eventually got there, slightly late but Nokia was to blame for that one! We had a lovely meal out at a French brazzerie. Talked lots, and ended up having a few shandies then I drove him back home and dropped him off. He did invite me in for coffee, but with work next morning and 3 date rule declined.<\/p>\n
That weekend (Friday 13th May) he came over to mine the Friday evening and I cooked a pizza (ok heated one up from Tesco)… (second date)… he stayed at mine that night… but we didnt do anything!
\nSaturday we went car shopping after I had mentioned I was after a new car and pulling out of the company car sheme. Seen as Mr P had a good grasp on nice cars…. we went and had a look at the different garages… and that night went to cinema (third date). Again sat night stayed at mine…. at this point I was thinking he hasnt run away yet, and I havent scared him off, and even the shit hole im currently renting hasnt drove him away… maybe he is a nice guy and things may actually work out with this new rule set!
\nSunday… yeah ok think we may have had a little play… but not full on stuff!
\nThe Sat night Mr. P explained he had just come out of a long term relationship and had a rough time recently with family issues. I didnt want to press the issues, I am a nosey little bastard, but im not going to pry… ive made that mistake and learnt!<\/p>\n
The Sunday afternoon we went out for dinner to a nice pub went back to mine to drop me off, so I could head north… I was heading home to have my wisdom teeth removed, so was going to be off all week.<\/p>\n
I drove home really happy, my mind was telling me that this may work… he’s nice, he has a personality, we have things in common… OK so he’s slightly older than me, overweight, and going thin on top…. but ive never been too hung up on looks… its the person inside thats important… ive always had the belief that a partner has to be your best friend… someone you can confide in and turn to… who will be there through thick and thin… looks wont last forever, personality will.<\/p>\n
After a week of a fair few texts, and me organising theatre tickets for us to go see Wicked, I headed back south. Now he was working and I was pretty busy catching up so we didnt talk a lot that week. <\/p>\n
On Thursday 2nd April he came over to mine and I was going to cook properly… now I admit this was my fault… I had a team meeting that over ran, and was supposed to be meeting at mine at 7pm, and at 6.50 I was running round tesco trying to find something quick to cook, as I had forgotten to take the chicken out of the freezer! A take out tesco Indian sufficed! That night we didnt do a lot… just watched TV, it wasnt a magical evening… just normal…
\nThe next night he came to mine at 4pm to head to theatre, this time I was well on time and almost fully ready when he arrived…. it bugged me that he hadnt said much the night before… but thought he had probably had a busy week and was tired! We headed to theatre…
\nThroughout the entire evening, things didnt feel right, and I felt he was being distant… and I must admit, I was really looking forward to seeing Wicked and it spoilt my evening… I realised something was really wrong when we got back to mine and he pretty much said “right will see you later”…. at 11pm! So he had decided he wasnt going to stay over…. I decided not to read into it much as thought he would tell me if things were not working out (again misplaced trust!). I didnt hear anything all weekend, then he appeared on the net Monday evening. I said hello… we had a bit of a chat… and then I got…. “not ready for relationship at the minute”, even though there was no pressure from me to have one… just wanted the ability to get to know someone and see where things lead…. <\/p>\n
I was somewhat annoyed… upset… etc… more perplexed! I thought I had done everything pretty much as I should… tried not to talk about work too much… organised nice night out… listened… cooked (in a fashion) and spent a fortune updating my very dated wardrobe!<\/p>\n
It took two weeks later and a discussion with my councellor to get the guts to email him and ask him where I went wrong… the response was that it wasnt me, it was him… same old bollocks response… I wanted feedback… im analytical and require some answers. A few nights later, we had a bit of an SMS based converation (don’t ever do this, its a bad idea!). I had noticed him on Gaydar the past few nights so knew he was on there chatting to guys, so obviously he just didnt like me? The SMS chat started well… I do admit I was in technical business mode – yes I do use phrases like “Im sorry you feel like this”… these type of technical responses dont mix well with feelings… <\/p>\n
He has now stopped replying to my messages… Im very bitter as I tried hard… but ce la vie… the book is wrong… just be yourself… better to meet shag and leave than get your heart strings pulled using the book!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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