So yet another week of my life has passed and here I am again, different Starbucks, but same message.
This week has been an improvement on last. In last weeks episode things were somewhat bleak… this week well things are still bleak, there are still issues with the job, and still issues socially but there is now at least a semblance of a plan….
On the job front, operation “get me the fuck out of here” is in full swing, CV posted, contacts notified and wheels in motion. Yes there is a likelyhood that I may end up going from frying pan into the fire, but that is a risk we all take.. and its a calculated one. But one thing is for sure I will settle for second best in my career. Things are not as simple in the social scene…
Having caught up with a close friend of mine I now have done some internal reflection. Yes I admit I am socially inept, I am the first to admit it… I see things very much in black and white, I think like an engineer in not just work life but in social settings as well. If thing broke, me fix! Where the shades of grey I find difficult to deal with, its like I ignore them as they are too complex. I also over compensate for my failings at being socially capable. My fears are begining to come to the front, in that I fear that one day I will die on my own, and here I am today unable to meet people because my own failings push me away from people, and make it very difficult to make new friends. Am I a bad person? No I dont think so, just a muppet… who needs to get a hobby, do something more with his life and push himself into situations where I actually will have to deal with people, will have to develop more social skills, will have to build deep and meaningful relationships that I need to work on but that are also capable of delivering some meaning to me as well.
Its a big wide world out there and I need to stop hiding away and getting depressed when things dont go my way, and not be angry with the world that I am being dealt a bad hand. In actualitiy i have ben dealt a pretty decent hand but now its up to me to work on the areas that I am failing at and build freindships that are not all about kink, sex and technology… yes I need a hobby… yes I need to get out more… yes I probably need to become more of an alcoholic and just let my hair down rather than taking things too serious and living in my own little small world.
So in true “style” whats the plan… here’s to developing and executing the way out of this social quagmire!
On another note… just met a lovely 81 year old guy and his grandson, lovely chap, ex engineer, Shell, and now just enjoying life. Made my day, and I hope it made his, see I can talk to random people about random things… ok mainly about engineering, but it was nice to just meet someone new, even if it was only for 20 minutes.