Its probably no surprise to people who know me that I have some “interesting” activities I get up to sexually. But I must say that my view on these activities are slightly different to what others have… let me explain!
I like rubber, leather, bondage and things like that. The main thing I like is to give up control in the bedroom, as I am a very dominant person in work and my personal life – ask my folks! My general view is I will decide what we are doing and my view to work meetings is I know what I want before I even go into the meeting and it’s just a case of convincing the others in the team that they want to do what I decided already. So needless to say the idea of me not having control in the bedroom is pretty empowering. In fact its awesome, and scary at the same time.
In order to let someone tie you up in gear you have to trust the person, its not something you enter into blindly so you have to do a bit of a mental risk assessment – and continued risk assessment based on the person. Some people you will inherently trust because you just do – Gav is a prime example! Some of the things we did I would never let anyone do to me…. but sometimes it just works. As such you end up having a fairly close bond with these people and create almost a small community of people you know and semi trust.
Now here’s where I diverge and go off on one….
The idea of me putting on gear and having fun in the bedroom is exactly that… fun in the bedroom. Now I will every so often put gear on and go to a club to do some things (things that are normally best left in the bedroom – but sometimes the urge just takes you there!). But as I said… this is all fun… not a lifestyle choice, or something that defines me… it’s just something that makes it more interesting in the bedroom. Getting in gear, tied up and having someone do rude things to you. The purpose of the rubber and leather probably comes from some kind of protection instinct. My head says if I am nice and tight in rubber then I feel comfortable and safe – even though that is exactly the opposite of what is going to happen. When you are naked you feel more exposed. Rubber and leather gives you this false sense of security. But this is where it ends. As I say this is a bedroom activity reserved to fulfil my sexual desires. I do not have any rhyme reason or wish to wear this gear when out and about with friends. In fact when I have “blown my load” I usually want to get out of it and have to stop myself panicking and trying to get free and run away (the catholic guilt kicking in I think!).
So when certain friends of mine, and groups that I belong to organise events where they encourage people to dress in rubber at work under their clothes and to attend gaming events in rubber it diminishes the boundary between sex and lifestyle choice. Personally for me rubber is industrial, dirty, protection equipment. It shouldn’t be shiny and should only be reserved for the imagination of playing in the bedroom or (if your very lucky) in a dungeon/industrial space.
Having friends who you have a level of trust with who you would possibly play with in gear is one thing, but turning this into a social event that breaks the boundaries of life and sexual fantasy is another thing.
I am gay, I don’t make a statement about me being gay and don’t rub it in peoples faces – as I don’t feel the need to. Hence I do not want to wear rubber in my work environment, likewise don’t want to when I am out and about doing normal day to day things. I wonder is it me who is weird for feeling like this? Answers on a postcard!