I have lived on the Isle of Man for well over a year, and from a mental health perspective it has been very good for me as it has given me time away from particularly Birmingham and away from the crazy business I created. I am the first to admit though it is far from perfect…
Whilst my place is lovely, tranquil, and a great place to gather your thoughts, it is also fairly lonely – and when life throws you a curve ball or two it can be a place where it is hard to “shake yourself” especially where you actually need friends to occupy you a little and provide you some support and when the weather is just grey and wet… you get somewhat overwhelmed and the darkness comes in…
This brings me onto something that Nick said to me a few times now.. which is about me being there for others but where are the people that are looking out for me? Particularly this is true of my previous ex’s – where I have spent many years ensuring that I have remained friends with them, making sure that I am there and supportive, as I still care for them and it is important to me that they are ok… The same with many of my friends, where I have gone out of my way on many occasions to be supportive. But can the same be said when I need support? Sometimes I do wonder?
Last year during my “difficult period” the people who rallied around me were a few of my close friends and mainly family. The main people who helped me through this were my family, who really pulled me out of the shit when I could not see a way forward or out, and today my folks still check in on me daily, they do still worry about me a lot – and yes hate the fact that I live far away from them!
Unfortunately Nick is probably right, in that IoM may have been a great place to go “with” someone, but on your own it is not easy… and lonely… especially given I have to drive everywhere as I really live in the middle of the countryside… so maybe it is time to rejoin the world? Though I do wonder where is a place I want to make home? It’s not Birmingham City Centre, and not South Yorkshire… As I said in a previous post, I do love Giggleswick, Settle and that area and also do like the idea of somewhere warmer. Maybe it is time to take a few months off work and go explore “where I want to be” and more importantly see if I can find a community where I can really give something back to people…. I have a lot of love to give and now I have time that I can put to good use doing things that help people…. which brings me to why today is particularly sad…
A good friend of mine – a lovely chap called Brian, recently was diagnosed with cancer. Jo his wife has been dealing with this with him and I have been very positive publicly that there is hope, even with the diagnosis he had I was hopeful that there may be a path through this. Unfortunately the cancer has spread too far and he has become too weak so they have moved him to palliative care, though I knew this was a likely outcome it still came as a shock – I cried a fair bit today as I have a lot of time for him, and spent many hours sitting on his sofa just being good friends. These kind of curve balls I think help define who you are… as it shows that you are caring and have compassion for those who have had an impact on your life. I have diverted my weekend plans and will jump on a plane to Birmingham to go see him in the hospice, not something I want to do but out of love and respect for the guy I will make time for him. I did have plans with Julie and Brendan coming to visit but I recognise that Brian doesn’t have time and the best gift I can give him is some of my time, to comfort him and make him know he is important, loved and will be very much missed.
I am not good with death, I hate death and struggle to deal with it, and desperately try to avoid it – yeah I am the guy that doesn’t do weddings or funerals and tries his hardest to live for the moment. When it does creep in though personally I feel it is important to just be there, the person who cares, who is making the time and who will miss them when they are gone.
Recently, I went to Mrs Shannahan’s funeral in Denaby, she was my school teacher when I was about 8 years old and a good family friend. The funeral was scheduled during a work away trip, so even though it cost me about £1,000 to get flights, hire cars and stay in hotels I felt it was my duty to pay my respects, after all this was a strong, caring, loving women who always was there for others, and there for me so being there for her family showing how much I loved her was super important to me. I went there and for her I sang my little heart out (and I can’t sing, but somehow am good with hymns!)… as that is what she would have wanted… And now, as I sit here with a tear in my eyes thinking about her I can honour her by reflecting on how she lived life and taking a leaf out of her book… She loved modern catholic songs and so I spent a few nights after the funeral learning some of these on piano… so I can play them and honour her… and let her remind me that being a good human is about giving your time to understand and help people where I can.